The Times They Are A Changing

It seems that every day another person is moving away or passing away, including Michael Jackson, who passed away just today. I feel as if I'm watching my childhood die along with these people, and I can't help but feel nostalgic for those bygone days. It's been quite a year... I've returned home to some stability after being away in China and Seattle. September was spent taking care of Grandpa, October was a new job, December was my very first (and possibly last) marathon, February marked the beginning of a now four-month-old relationship, in April Grandpa died, and this December will be my ten-year high school reunion. For a number of reasons, I've been realizing how much my life has changed, and I guess I'm slowly coming to terms with all the change now. It's funny how certain memories stick in your mind. Michael Jackson as the artist I loved when I was younger seems to have died a while ago. In fact, I stopped paying much attention to him after the child molestation scandals. But "P.Y.T." is still my cell phone ringer, and as I think back to small kid times, I find that a lot of my memories from childhood up through high school have had MJ influences:

• I remember that my cousin Lillian gave me my very first cassette tape. It was Michael Jackson's "Thriller" album, and she gave it to me in one of those pink jelly purses. I had a red jacket that I'd dance to "Thriller" in. This was the birth of my MJ obsession.
• One day when I was still pretty little, Mom and Dad took me out dirt biking. All I remember is that we drove far away, and right before we got out of the car, the song playing was "Baby Be Mine." I loved this song from that day on, and even as I listen to it now, it takes me back to the same feeling I had as I climbed out of the backseat that day.
• I remember watching some type of behind-the-scenes/making of "We Are the World" video with Michael Jackson and Cyndi Lauper, who got a giant earring caught in the mic.
• I remember spending a summer day watching the making of "Jam" in which my two idols, the two MJs -- Michael Jordan and Michael Jackson -- were featured. Michael Jackson was teaching Michael Jordan how to moonwalk, and Michael Jordan was teaching Michael Jackson how to shoot freethrows. This was where I learned to moonwalk -- I practiced it the entire day but still can't come close to the original.
• I remember crying while watching Michael Jackson dance in "Smooth Criminal" and while watching a Michael Jordan highlight video -- just goes to show how good both of these guys were doing what they did... and that sometimes I can be a sap.
• I remember watching the "Thriller" music video over and over just to learn the dance.
• I remember cutting out a full-page picture of MJ doing the moonwalk in "Billie Jean" and taping it to my binder in elementary school.
• I remember watching "The Jacksons: An American Dream" and discovering MJ's Jackson 5 music.
• I remember dancing to "Thriller" while at karaoke with the Iolani volleyball girls. I've gotten several encore requests, but I don't know what got into me that night... haven't been able to muster the courage to repeat such a performance since.
• I remember my bitter disappointment at not being able to go to the MJ concert here in '97.

It's not that I think of Michael Jackson as a role model (never approved much of crotch grabbing), and he definitely had some issues that perhaps will come to light soon. But there's something about his music and his ability to perform and seem larger than life that have left an indelible mark on my life -- just like all the other people I've loved or known who are no longer near, either physically or emotionally. I think about these people -- Mrs. Kang, Grandpa Higa, Grandpa Kaneshiro, Mr. Chang, Uncle Eddie, Ms. Tom, Ms. Thornton, to name a few -- sometimes at random times, and am amazed that a person's words or life can have such a lasting impact. I know that change is an inevitable fact of life, but I find that the permanence of some changes requires something more than memories to deal with the gravity of it all. For Michael Jackson, I can listen to his music and be okay. With other people, it's not always so easy.